xenophobe

i live in london, sheffield, england, britain. my english is perfect. i have no accent. i am defined by my appearance. i appear pale and young and nervous but i am none of these things. i dont define myself by my ethnic origins. i dont say "i'm not a very good muslim". i dont say "i have jewish blood so i dont eat pork". i have english blood, jewish blood, islamic blood, italian blood, swedish blood, saxon blood, fascist blood, racist blood. i have given blood. now other people have my blood too. a palestinian now has jewish blood. a jew now has fascist blood.

i only buy my spices from the market: i have to support my people. i buy halal meat, i buy kosha meat. i write "jewish" on equal opportunities forms so that i can define my difference. my father is irish so now i am "white irish". i put "other" to confuse them. i am none of these things. i am all of them.

i am in love with a white boy. my father hates white boys. my father speaks with such a heavy accent i cant understand him. i grew up here. i was originally from argentina. i was born in england. i was born in pakistan. i am embarrassed by my white boy. he tries to understand. he learns a bit of punjab. he reads about moses, the holocaust, learns how to cook bahjis, learns about the culture, the history. i am embarrassed and i cannot take him home. he is a black boy, he is a white boy and my father has a history of white power bands and black hand gangs. my father hates my boyfriend from nigeria, my boyfirend from india, my boyfriend from israel.

my estate is ghetto. i live in an ethnic area. the food here is better than yours. i live in brick lane, headingly, bradford and glasgow. i am loyal to my culture: i fight to preserve it, i fight to emphasise it, i cannot lose it. i teach my children to braid hair and to play the drums, to dance. i teach them their history i tell them "you are jewish you will live like this", i say "this is your culture, your heritage". they will never see a synagogue, they will never see a church or mosque but they will live the culture.

we are modern people. we are a multiculture. i am multiculture. my children will not sing christian carols at school, they will not go on a field trip to derby i will deny them their multiculture to preserve their heritage. They will fear the black man, they will fear the WASPs, the jews, chinese people, all of them, they are all better and more successful, they are cooler, they can dance better, they are richer, they are taller, they are more intelligent, they are more cultured, they write better, talk better, love better, live better, stronger, happier. we will be divided and we will be conquered.